Friday, October 31, 2008

The important stuff

It doesn't happen every day but occasionally I read Barometern, the local newspaper of the town where I grew up. The Editors of Barometern are superstars at putting life back into perspective. Today's news are:
- There are people on the Internet who commit fraud.

-A man bought a bicycle four months ago and now it's rusting.

-It's been snowing.

Cross dressing

We're hosting a Halloween party for our students tonight. My manager is going as Wonder Woman. As a British male, he takes any chance he gets at wearing a dress. Those are his own words, bless him! I can just thank my lucky star that I'm not dating a Brit!


I've just realised that in order to win the Happy Valley pub quiz, I need S, possibly M and definitely one smart American...
...maybe in a zoo somewhere?!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Same same but different

I bought a Mark Six ticket today. Mark Six is a Hong Kong lottery where you pick six numbers out of fifty, then hope for the best. Tomorrow's jackpot is 28 million honkies.

Queuing up to buy the ticket were 56 smelly, old Chinese men and one tall blonde. I fit in like a red-light district in the Vatican.

Monday, October 27, 2008


I've been discussing with my manager whether or not we should be allowed to slap our students into becoming better people!

I have one student, a woman in her 30s, who has been coming to introduction classes for 3 months and still claims she cannot understand "the dog is in the street".

We all know that she understands, she knows that we know that she understands...but she has entered into some sort of teenage rebellious stage where she's just too cool for school.

This is where I think a slap in the face would be suitable...for her own sake, obviously!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Saturday fun...

Give the grays a final go before you get yourself pickled tonight.

A man wanted to get into his work building, but he had forgotten his pin-code.
However, he did remember five clues.

A) The fifth number plus the third number equals 14
B) The fourth number is one more than the second number
C) The first number is one less than twice the second number
D) The second number plus the third number equals 10
E) The sum of all five numbers is 30.

What are the five numbers and in what order?

Friday, October 24, 2008

Bad idea?

Aerobeds in a two-cat apartment.

Swept away

A friend advised that when choosing someone to be romantically involved with, it's good to estimate how long it would take before you were out of topics to talk about - if you had the misfortune to end up stranded on a deserted island.

So I quickly did a run-through of my male acquaintances and came up with a list ranging from 30 seconds to a few months.
One stood out though. He could easily spend a whole year making just one long story short....and that's without me interrupting. Crazy about that guy!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Chicken or egg

Had a chat with one of my girlfriends.

Marie, can we have a chat about relationships.
Not sex, relationships.
Yes, I'm with you.
I'm just having a nightmare at the minute...
Tough situation. I think the best you can do is to just stay positive no matter what. No one likes a bitter person.
So how do you mean that you stay positive?
Well...hmm, I always tidy my flat before a date!
So we're back onto sex then?!
Ehh...well! Ok, but I'm not the one with problems!

It's happened again...

...someone's been shoving bills through my mailbox. It's rude and tiresome, not to mention a waste of money.

When this happened last month, P told me that I had to pay them.
They won't go away just because you ignore them, he said.
So I did, but now, one month later, the bastards are back again!

There must be a better way to live!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

This is not a collective

A very serious looking, uniform-clad Mr Health Inspector came and knocked on my door today.

-Your AC unit is leaking water.

- No, it's not. It's the AC unit on the 7th floor that leaks. It drips onto mine, so it looks like it's coming from here but really, it isn't.

- No, there's no one at home on the 7th floor so it must be yours.

- Well, it's 11 am, perhaps you should try them this evening.

- No, is yours.

- Ok, well why don't you come in and have a look.

The serious man inspects the AC and concludes that the water is indeed from the 7th floor.

- Ok, so you need to arrange additional drainage for the AC.

- But mine's not leaking. Surely the people on the 7th floor have to deal with this.

- They are not at home.

-What, like never?

- What do you mean?

- Can't you just leave them a note?

- Ah, yes a note. Ok, ok.

- Great. Thanks for stopping by!

Monday, October 20, 2008

I wonder why...

... the English find Fawlty Towers funny, when in comparison to a vast majority of English hotels, the faults and failures of the Fawltys' almost fades?

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Best today

Oh, so you're Swedish?!


"Dett komer billar"

Such a nice change from "hemtil dey eler hem tilmey", "vakkra svenska flika", "vil do knola" etc.

Like winning the lottery

I've just discovered that my favourite waterhole features free wifi.

I DO have an elephant puppet on strings

Picture proof as requested by Hult!

On their way back...

The boys are in Wan Chai, all done and on their way back up to the Peak...they should get in under 4 hours. Last year's winners did it in under 3 hours so I doubt the boys are heading for Marrakesh (World Championships). Personally, I think it was a mistake to take the STAR FERRY - too slow!

Up on the Peak I have been researching like a crazy person. My fingertips are actually sore, which is obviously way worse than K's and M's tired legs. I have yet to have that glass of wine, I haven't even taken time to go to the loo...but I will do that now - get wine and go to the loo!

Thanks Mike, Ross etc for your help - nice talking to yous!

Still at the Peak

...and ooo...they're playing jazz! I could so have a nice glass of wine now but K says I can't drink, have to stay sharp! Party pooper

At the Peak

I've been talked into being some sort of Com Central for K and his friend today as they are running the CityChase race. So I've plonked myself down at Peak Lookout Cafe and expect to be spending the next few hours looking up bus routes etc. I think it'll be fun!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Greatest invention ever

This week I am teaching vocabulary on the theme "inventions".

Asking my students what they consider the most important invention of all times, the answers were all reasonable: the light bulb, the car, the telephone etc.

One girl thought long and hard about it, and then announced: the rice cooker!

I suggested that perhaps we should start talking history in terms of BRC - Before Rice Cookers.

Caning needed

Tomorrow's the International White Cane day, an effort to educate and raise awareness on blindness.
In honour of the occasion, Radio Sweden had invited a blind girl onto the show to talk about her canes (she had several). The radio host was priceless:

Blind girl: This is my favourite cane.
Radio girl: THAT'S your favourite? But it's all grey and dirty.

Blind girl: This is my party cane, it's a bit like a cabaret cane.
Radio girl: It doesn't really look like it but ok.

Blind girl: Someone stepped on my cane so it broke.
Radio girl: Really, did you see who it was?

Radio girl then got to try walking with a cane, blind-folded.
Radio girl: Help, is there something on the floor in front of me?
Blind girl: Don't ask me, how am I supposed to know.

I wish they made canes for dumb people. One that could be used to beat them over the head with.

Impulse shopping

ICELAND is for sale on ebay.
Imagine turning the whole place into one gigantic hot tub! How cool wouldn't that be? The price, however, has jumped from 99p to £10,000,000...which seems a bit steep for a bathtub especially considering that:
- Bjork isn't included
- The successful bidder must collect in person. (from Croydon).

I'm eternally grateful but...

...who are these people that post stuff on youtube? Why do they do it? Being re-stuck on V, there are hundreds of clips for me to refresh my memory with, and this is great. What I would like know though, is why anyone would like to spend time posting them! God bless them regardless!


When P and I separated a year ago, I decided to approach single life a bit more methodically than what is usually done. So I conducted market research using an online dating site. I have now moved on to more field-based research. So far, I have discovered that the HK market for eligible males is actually not that bad BUT OMG I really have to get a bit more selective!

I've just come home from a date with a man I've known for a few months but never been on a "date" with before. He's wonderfully exciting, intelligent, attractive and fun; plus he really likes me so it all seemed promising.
However, half-way through, as I displayed a combination of annoyance and boredom at the fact that he always wants to get to the bottom of "why I left my husband"...he turned into an insecure schoolboy (he's significantly older than I am) and spent the rest of the evening trying to impress me with ridiculous statements about how wealthy he is! Money is the last thing that will ever impress me about a person, so I said thank you very much and left.
Disappointing and weird!

My students are trying to hook me up with another teacher. "Don't screw the crew" I told them but they didn't get that so tomorrow I'll have to, yet again, introduce rude vocabulary to them.

Monday, October 13, 2008

V's back!

I could not have wished for a better start to my week. I would like to announce the return of the tv-series that made me a complete sci-fi freak, and also scared the the living daylights out of me on countless occasions. V: The Second Generation, is under production!

With mind-blowing special effects (just look at the youtube clip) and a story-line that would make Tolstoy green with envy, V just rocked my 80s world.

A bit of trivia for you: in the first series, the first language spoken by the Visitors is Swedish. Once the flying saucers have landed(?) an announcement is made through a speaker phone. I believe the first words spoken are "God Afton", which means Good Evening. I think the first meeting took place day-time, so that wouldn't make sense at all...but it's been over 20 years so perhaps I'm mistaken on this point. I'm certain that it was Swedish though!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Talk about fighting a losing battle!

I took this photo in India. Queue in Hindi means "throw yourself into the crowd and push, elbow and pinch yourself to the front".

Friday, October 10, 2008

Alcolock my brain

Google has created an alcolock plug-in that forces you to solve mathematical problems if you are to access your emails between 22 and 04! This is such an outstanding idea I hope they'll quickly find a similar solution for SMS, and indeed mobile phones in general...and perhaps also my entire voice box.

However, I did recently apologise to a friend for only ever calling her when I am drunk stupid. She replied that it was perfectly ok - better pissed than never!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Worst idea ever...

I've signed up for Boot Camp training. 3 early mornings per week, I will be sweating and hurting and regretting the whole thing!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Bought an "also a CD player"

I gave in and bought one of the mega machines that "also plays CDs". It seems to play every modern format of music known to man (although not necessarily to Marie) out of 5 speakers and something called a sub-woofer (when did this become a word?). I quite like that in addition to being "also a CD player", it is also a radio!

Hooking it up yesterday I was rather pleased with the sound quality. However, I only managed to get sound out of 2 speakers and the sub-woofer-thingie. I will have to troubleshoot today or if worse comes to a man!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Don't mention the war

Americans are frequently overheard defending their country's foreign policies with the line:

If it wasn't for us you'd all be speaking German!

This is a ridiculous statement! Even if Germany had won the war 50 years ago, the English would still be struggling with German.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Here we go again...

Hong Kong typhoon season is getting a bit tiresome! I find the forecasted change in directions by the 4th a bit suspicious... perhaps the guys at HK weather observatory want another day off.

Budgeting marie-style

Without salary levels of years past and no toy-boy to pick up my bills, I have decided it would be wise to stop spending money like a Durcell bunny on crack.
I've been noting down my more important daily expenditures:

- Tram to/from the MTR: $4/day
- Taxi to/from the MTR: $45/day
- One glass of Pinot Grigio at my local: $52/glass
- One glass of Pinot Grigio out of a bottle purchased at the supermarket: $30/glass
- One can of "who gives a rat's ass, let's worry about it at the end of the month": Priceless
For everything else there's MasterCard.

See, I can do budgets me!

American bashing

Start all your conversations with Yanks by asking if they're from Canada.