Friday, April 24, 2009

International Kiss a Swede Day only happens once a year. Make the most of it!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Crispy dog

Walkers Crisps have launched a new series of flavours. They were composed by asking the general public for suggestions, and consists of flavour combinations such as Chilli & Chocolate, Fish & Chips, Cajun Squirrel (may contain traces of nuts?).

Unfortunately I missed the call for flavours. Otherwise I would have suggested the following, which would have been big hits on the Asian market. I'm sure.

Walker's Puppies & Kittens Crisps

Walker's Jellyfish & Placenta Crisps

Walker's Shark Fin Crisps

Walker's Yellow Snow Crisps (would have an international following - it could be beer!)

Walker's Sushi Crisps


Main course or just a snack?

This is from a song - no idea the title, the band or anything else apart from:

"You think you are special but all you are to a polar bear is food"

Puts life in perspective.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


My friend R sometimes finds it challenging to stop herself from thinking out loud.

She had recently decided to "spice things up" at home. Being a rather shy and reserved person, she was horrified at the thought of walking into the sort of shop that would normally sell the "electronic additive" she was after. A postal order from similar places was out of the question -in case the parcel would end up at the neighbours', or the return address reveal to the postman what goes on in her bedroom.

Instead she set out to search "regular" home shopping websites, thinking that sex toys are so accepted nowadays they should be available from most places.

So it was while sitting at work, searching, that her brain went into to talking mode and she exclaimed in frustration:

-Oh, surely a vibrator is a small home appliance!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Time to KISS A SWEDE again

I've just realised that my favourite day of the year is rapidly approaching. No matter who you are, or where you live, the INTERNATIONAL KISS A SWEDE DAY should be noted, preferably celebrated.
I'm not entirely sure when this tradition started. I'm guessing a couple of girlfriends dove into a tub of wine one night and decided to give themselves a snog-every-guy-at-the-party justification. I salute them!
It's the 24th April - mark your calendars and go search out a Swede.
I'll be in Happy Valley.

Sunday, April 19, 2009


I know! I'm just as bored as you guys are! Nothing's happening! Zip. Not a sausage.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


I've never understood why the Easter Bunny brings eggs. Did he steal them from the Easter Chicken?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Sometimes it takes a lion

I was 16 when I was first exposed to jazz. I had talked my teachers into sending me to a "Weekend for the Environment" course.

There I met a boy, who used to be a Svensson or Andersson or maybe Larsson, but was now Lion-island.

He had a motorbike, he was fabulous, and much older than I was. What can I say!

Lion-island took me out of the student hostel, and with the help of the fake ID I carried, took me into one of the "in-clubs" (for environmentalists) where jazz was the only item on the menu.

Being born cynical, I found Mr Lion-island just as pretentious as he was. I did like the jazz though. I still do!

Very much so.

Many years later, my father and I found jazz a common ground to get the evil stepmother out of the room.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Easter fun

Seldom has the approaching Easter holiday been so welcome. Among the four teachers in my centre 3 are suffering from a cold, 2 are in mourning, 1 is contemplating suicide after a bad break-up, 1 is finding it very difficult to cheer up the rest, 1 has back problems, 1 is tired of living in Hong Kong, 2 are tired of the students.

We are not a very cheerful bunch. 3 days to go.

Friday, April 3, 2009

What to say?

A close friend died tonight. She was hit by a car.

I know because her boyfriend used the "last dialled number" function on her mobile phone.

She rang me yesterday. I wasn't terribly busy but I didn't feel like a chat. I rejected the call. Guess how well I feel right now!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


I think Snakes on a Plane is one of the best movies ever made.
I'm not being sarcastic, I really like it. I watch it every few months crawled up in bed, laughing hysterically, scared witless and amused beyond control.
After each viewing, I carefully check under the duvet cover, under the bed and the dining table. If there are no snakes in sight I turn out the light and go to sleep. Inevitably I then wake up a few hours later, convinced something is crawling in my bed.

I'm not entirely sure why I put myself through this madness time after time. I suppose I quite like that for a few hours I can let go of all rational thought and just behave like a crazy person.
I should add perhaps that I only do this in private.