Thursday, December 30, 2010

Not herpes.

I've been in and out of the hospital since November time. First with pneumonia, then with disfunctioning kidneys (as a result of the pneumonia). Apart from the hospital bill, it hasn't been an altogether unpleasant experience. I've felt pretty good throughout and it was mainly boredom that bothered me.

Curiosity is the cure for boredom, as Dorothy Parker said (although adding that there's no cure for curiosity), so one morning I decided to take a little walk through the hospital ward. Passing the other private rooms, I tried to peak through the doorways at my fellow patients. I couldn't help but wonder what they were in for.

"Room M04, Syfilis. Room M05, Warts. Room M06, Compulsive Overeating. Room M07, Penis Envy". I found it amusing to come up with highly embarrassing conditions that might or might not land you on my ward. Just as these thoughts were running through my head, a sudden realisation made me stop dead in my tracks. If I could think up embarrassing conditions for other patients, perhaps they were doing the same for me?! I forced myself into a coughing fit and struggled back to my room, making sure every room was aware that my ailment was in some way respiratoral.

When I got back to my bed, I felt quite pleased about only having a very respectable dose of pneumonia. I thought to myself: "Well, I might be bored but at least I haven't got constipation, hyperhidrosis, irritable bowel syndrome, menorhaggia, trichotillomania nor any version of an STD. I'm a lucky, lucky girl!"

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