Mother's going travelling

Mother is travelling to Australia in March, with a very quick stop in Hong Kong.

From having been at least moderately adventurous, Mother has of late developed a fear of the unknown. For months, she has desperately been trying to find an excuse why she can't possibly undertake this journey- from consulting doctors for her dicky heart, to complaining about the cost.

I think she has actually convinced herself that the trip will kill her off. In her true morbid spirit, she's therefore found it appropriate to phone around to all her kids detailing her newly drawn last will and testament. Adding "is there anything else that you'd like from the house". As all my siblings are used to Mother's insanity by now, I think we all answered something like: "Funny you should mention it. I have been thinking about this since I heard that you were going to Australia. I have a list. It's quite long..."

Other comments made recently:

- About that clear plastic bag. How am I going to be able to use the deodorant if I have to keep in the clear plastic bag? I will have to take it out - will they know if I do that? What happens if they find out?

- I am just going to stay in your flat. I don't want to walk around in Hong Kong. I don't want to catch something. I'll just stay at home with the cats.

- Ok, ok. I suppose I can leave the flat but I am not eating in any restaurants. God knows what they'll serve me. I don't want to eat Poodle!!