Swedish bureaucracy

I’m going for another battle with the Swedish Consulate this week. I’m not sure if I ever shared our first encounter with you.

I lost my passport in April or something, and since I can be a bit procrastination-prone I had not bothered getting a new one.

Come July, an unexpected trip came up, so I finally made an appointment with the Consulate.
I arrived and started talking to what actual turned out to be the Consul General herself.

Me: Hi, I need an emergency passport.
Stupid Diplomat Woman (SDW): Did your passport expire?
Me: No, I lost it.
SDW: Have you reported the loss to the police?
Me: No. Eh, not yet!
SDW: When did you lose it?
Me: Some time ago.
SDW: Was it stolen?
Me: No, it went missing when I moved.
SDW: It went missing?
Me: Yes
SDW: Have you looked for it?
Me: Yes
SDW: But you can’t find it?
Me: No
SDW: You really should make sure you know where you have your passport.
Me: Yes (love being lectured). But now I need an emergency passport.
SDW: You need a police report first.
Me: There’s no time. My flight leaves tomorrow.
SDW: You’ll have to change your flight.
Me: I can’t
SDW: Why not?
Me: It’s an emergency, hence the need for an emergency passport.
SDW: Well, I can’t issue an emergency passport if you have lost yours.
Me: Of course you can!
SDW: No, we need a police report.
Me: I got an emergency passport in March while applying for a Russian visa. I didn’t need a police report then.
SDW: That’s different.
Me: Why?
SDW: You hadn’t lost your real one then.
Me: If I was at Arlanda airport, about to go on holiday but I had left my passport at home, I could get an emergency passport!
SDW: Yes, but you would know where you had your passport.
Me: Ok, so let’s say I know where it is but my flight is leaving in two hours and I haven’t got time to go home to get it.
SDW: But that’s not the case.
Me: Let’s pretend it is.
SDW: No, you’ve already told me that you’ve lost your passport.
Me: Ok, can I leave and come back in five minutes to give someone else here a different version of events?
SDW: No
Me: So what are my options? I have to be on that flight.
SDW: Well, I suppose we can’t deny you a passport. Here, fill out this form.
Me: ???????

I still haven’t got a real passport. This is why I need to revisit the mad-house. I do however have a police report now.