Boris wins

This weekend’s most interesting news is that Boris Johnson was elected Mayor of London. Boris Johnson is like a mix between an overgrown child and a Feudal warlord stuck in the wrong century. He has proven himself capable of insulting entire nations in not so many words. I think he’s outstanding!

I thought you might enjoy some quotes:

For 10 years we in the Tory Party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing, and so it is with a happy amazement that we watch as the madness engulfs the Labour Party.

I'm having Sunday lunch with my family. I'm vigorously campaigning, inculcating my children in the benefits of a Tory government.

I don't see why people are so snooty about Channel 5. It has some respectable documentaries about the Second World War. It also devotes considerable airtime to investigations into lap dancing, and other related and vital subjects.

Nor do I propose to defend the right to talk on a mobile while driving a car, though I don't believe that is necessarily any more dangerous than the many other risky things that people do with their free hands while driving - nose-picking, reading the paper, studying the A-Z, beating the children, and so on.

I forgot that to rely on a train, in Blair's Britain, is to engage in a crapshoot with the devil

It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall.

My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.

My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters.

I can't remember what my line on drugs is. What's my line on drugs?

I think I was once given cocaine but I sneezed so it didn't go up my nose. In fact, it may have been icing sugar.

And finally some things that has been said about Boris:

Boris was told to engage his brain before speaking in future. (after insulting the entire population of Liverpool)

He may seem like a lovable buffoon but you know he wouldn't hesitate to line you all up against a wall and have you shot

He's the sort of person who 200 years ago would have died aged 30 leading a cavalry charge into a volcano.

Boris Johnson, people always ask me the same question, they say, 'Is Boris a very very clever man pretending to be an idiot?' And I always say, 'No.'